A Lasting Marriage

Today Brenda and I have been married for 52 years!

People often ask us how we do it, because we live in a culture that has become increasingly skeptical about marriage. Divorce is common. Commitment is often viewed as optional. Many couples enter marriage hoping it will work, but without the biblical foundation necessary to withstand life's inevitable storms.

Yet God's design for marriage has never changed.

When Jesus was questioned about divorce in Matthew 19, He didn't begin by discussing exceptions. Instead, He pointed His listeners back to the beginning—to God's original design. Marriage was intended to be a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, joined together by God Himself. That truth is just as relevant today as it was two thousand years ago.

Marriage is hard, and that's ok. One of the greatest misconceptions about marriage is that if you marry the "right person," everything will naturally fall into place. Experience tells us otherwise.

Every marriage brings together two imperfect sinners with different personalities, different backgrounds, different expectations, and different ways of handling conflict. This is true of Brenda and me.

Even strong Christian marriages require sacrifice, patience, and perseverance. A difficult marriage is not necessarily a failing marriage. The strongest marriages are often those where two people continually choose to love, forgive, and serve one another through every season.

After 52 years of marriage, I have tested these five key principles that work to build a lasting marriage:

1. Make Commitment Non-Negotiable
A healthy marriage begins with an unwavering commitment. When divorce remains an option during every disagreement, couples often stop fighting for their marriage and begin looking for a way out of it. A covenant says: "We're going to work through this because we belong to each other." Commitment doesn't remove conflict. It gives conflict a safe place to be resolved.

2. Appreciate Your Differences
God never intended husbands and wives to be identical. Different personalities, strengths, and perspectives are not flaws—they're gifts. Instead of trying to change your spouse into your image, thank God for the unique ways He designed them. Often the very qualities that frustrate us are the same qualities God uses to strengthen our marriage.

3. Learn to Communicate
Healthy marriages aren't built on mind reading. They're built on honest conversations.
Real communication requires listening, understanding, speaking truth in love, and being willing to work through misunderstandings. Communication takes effort. But every difficult conversation handled with grace builds greater trust.

4. Be a Giver, Not a Consumer
Many marriages struggle because both spouses are asking: "What am I getting?" God asks a different question: "What are you giving?" Biblical love isn't self-centered. It serves. It sacrifices. It seeks the good of the other person. Marriage flourishes when two people are committed to out-serving one another.

5. Practice Forgiveness Daily
No marriage survives without forgiveness. Every husband and every wife will eventually say something hurtful, act selfishly, or fail to meet expectations. The question isn't whether you'll need forgiveness. The question is whether you'll choose to extend it. Paul writes: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

When God forgives us, He doesn't continually bring our sins back before us. Healthy marriages reflect that same grace. God's grace is greater than our failures. Perhaps you're reading this with deep wounds. Maybe you've experienced divorce. Maybe your marriage is struggling today. Maybe you're carrying regret over decisions from your past.

The good news of the gospel is that Jesus Christ is a Savior who restores broken people. God never minimizes sin, but neither does He abandon those who come to Him in repentance and faith. His grace forgives. His mercy restores. His power rebuilds what sin has damaged. There is hope because there is Christ.

People often spend years searching for the "right person." But perhaps the better question is this: Am I becoming the right person? A lasting marriage isn't built primarily by finding a perfect spouse. It's built by allowing God to shape each husband and wife into the image of Christ. When both people pursue Jesus, pursue humility, pursue forgiveness, and pursue selfless love, the marriage grows stronger year after year.

Marriage is one of God's greatest gifts. It isn't easy. It requires daily surrender, intentional love, and abundant grace. But when Christ is at the center, two imperfect people can experience a marriage that reflects His faithfulness to the world.

And that kind of marriage is worth building.

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." — Matthew 19:6